just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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