i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
