ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize