the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize