Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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