My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize