So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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