fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
