i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My ATM looks so different sober.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
