Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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