I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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