Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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