I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
