My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
