In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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