check it out our google latitudes are spooning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
