I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
