i always forget guys have bellybuttons
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
