Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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