so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
