4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
