He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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