This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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