you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
