having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
