you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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