I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
