i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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