So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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