New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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