can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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