Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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