it's too hot outside to masturbate.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
