her vagine was all disorganized.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
