you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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