Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
