I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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