A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
