she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
