I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
