I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
