thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
