You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
