yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
