Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
