he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Bring me that man meat
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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