I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
