Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
