are you still at the devil's house?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
