Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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