Where did you get a picture of my penis
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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