she was so not down for the gang bang
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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