I think I am morally bankrupt
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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