you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
