Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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