This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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