The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
