You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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