You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
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Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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