tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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