I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
