It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Randomize
