Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
