Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
