dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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