the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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