you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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