Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
