two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
