You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
