you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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