I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The air taste purple.
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