Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
