then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
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So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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