I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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