Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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