...so i touched it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
