the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
