Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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