1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my being single is dangerous.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
